


Solar Flare Stares

by thesoundofnat



Category: The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Confessions, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 05:28:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5815969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesoundofnat/pseuds/thesoundofnat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I know you’re watching me,” Achilles mumbled, so silently that Patroclus might not have reacted had he not been staring at the suddenly moving lips.</p>
<p>As usual he felt the illogical and rather unnecessary wave of shame hit him. Unnecessary in the sense that he didn’t need to feel embarrassed, but he almost always did.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he said, his breath making a few strands of Achilles’ hair flutter. Patroclus’ eyes had gotten so accustomed to the dark now that he’d caught the movement.</p>
<p>(Or, Patroclus can’t help but stare at Achilles, but what he doesn’t know at first is that Achilles stares at him as well when he’s not looking.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solar Flare Stares

**Author's Note:**

> Also posted on my tumblr thesoundofnat.tumblr.com

Patroclus tried not to stare at Achilles too much, even though he knew that Achilles was fine with him doing it. Had even encouraged him once or twice after Patroclus had looked away quickly when Achilles had lifted his gaze and caught his observing eyes. But Patroclus couldn’t help it. Staring at Achilles was like staring at the stars, and you had to look away before the sight transfixed you too much. Before you’d be unable to stop.

But once nighttime came it was as if the stars were being clouded over, so your stare was harmless. The difference between the invisible stars and Achilles’ dark form, though, was the fact that the sky didn’t take Patroclus’ breath away, but Achilles did.

He had his eyes closed, but Patroclus wasn’t certain if he was asleep or not. It didn’t matter too much. It was late and their cave was warm and Achilles’ body was even warmer. Patroclus couldn’t see him as well as he wished. The moonlight didn’t reach their nook, but Patroclus could still make out Achilles’ features in the dusk. He’d memorized them ages ago, so he didn’t really need the light. Still, he did wish he could see the way his eyelids twitched occasionally. The way his face relaxed as sleep took over.

“I know you’re watching me,” Achilles mumbled, so silently that Patroclus might not have reacted had he not been staring at the suddenly moving lips.

As usual he felt the illogical and rather unnecessary wave of shame hit him. Unnecessary in the sense that he didn’t need to feel embarrassed, but he almost always did.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his breath making a few strands of Achilles’ hair flutter. Patroclus’ eyes had gotten so accustomed to the dark now that he’d caught the movement.

Achilles opened his eyes to look at him. “Don’t be sorry. I’ve told you I’m okay with it.” He reached out, his hand searching for Patroclus’ face in the darkness. “I just wish you’d stop feeling guilty about doing it.”

Patroclus leaned into the touch. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” Achilles ran his thumb gently over his cheek. “I like it when you look at me.”

Patroclus couldn’t help it when he replied with,” To be fair, you like it when anyone looks at you.”

He could hear Achilles’ grin rather than see it. “True. But I like your stare the most.”

“Don’t call it a stare,” Patroclus cut in, wincing. “It makes me sound like a creep.”

Achilles breathed out a laugh. “You’re a cute creep, so that helps.”

Patroclus smiled now; easily and merrily. The smile reserved for only Achilles.

“Let’s sleep,” Achilles said, trying to scoot closer to him even though it was quite impossible at this point. “You can watch me tomorrow.”

Patroclus snorted. “It’s a miracle I don’t get tired of your face.”

“You could never get tired of that,” Achilles teased, pressing their foreheads together.

Patroclus hummed. “You should consider yourself lucky.”

“Oh, I do. Trust me.”

Patroclus marveled at the fact that Achilles could still make his face burn by such simple comments. Judging by his smug grin Achilles knew what sort of effect his words had. Patroclus brought his hand up to tangle his fingers in Achilles’ hair.

“So do I.”

He wasn’t sure if he imagined Achilles’ shaky intake of breath, but he decided not to dwell on it.

* * *

 

After that night Patroclus started watching Achilles without feeling as weird about it as before, which resulted in a rather interesting discovery.

Achilles was watching him too.

His stares weren’t as long or observant as Patroclus’ were, but more like glances that were so brief that Patroclus wondered if maybe Achilles tried to cover them up in the same way Patroclus used to. Maybe each time Achilles caught his gaze it was because he was staring as well.

The realization made Patroclus dizzy. He had a hard time believing how lucky he was as it was. To find out that Achilles, a God among mere men, enjoyed looking at him the same was as Patroclus did was almost too much. Almost.

Of course this resulted in them locking eyes more often than ever, and each time Patroclus was rewarded with a lopsided grin that had his heart fluttering for minutes afterwards. He was certain Achilles knew exactly what he was doing to him.

Only now Patroclus became curious over what sort of effect _he_ had on Achilles. Did his own smiles make Achilles’ breath hitch? Did his roaming eyes make Achilles feel vulnerable in the best way possible? Patroclus wanted to know. He _needed_ to know.

The sun was setting, but neither of them moved from the shade that the trees had provided them with for about an hour now. As they were talking their gazes kept switching between staring at each other and staring at their surroundings. Patroclus would like to think that this was a game of theirs; the fleeting stares that they didn’t really have to hide.

Patroclus turned to look at him as he was telling him a story, and he didn’t look away when Achilles had finished and it was time for him to start saying something. Achilles caught his eye and raised an eyebrow.

“What is it?” he asked, amusement audible in his voice.

“Nothing.”

“Then why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re not planning on looking away this time.”

“I thought you liked it when I stared.”

“I do.” The corners of Achilles’ mouth turned upwards. “But it’s not like you to keep staring without at least getting embarrassed.”

That did the trick. Patroclus felt his cheeks heat up, but he still didn’t avert his gaze. “I’m trying to figure out what me looking at you makes you feel.”

Achilles furrowed his brows ever so slightly. “Oh?”

“I mean,” Patroclus added, licking his lips once. “If it has a similar effect to how it makes me feel when you look at me.”

Achilles shot him a small smirk. “And how does it make you feel?”

Patroclus crossed his arms. “Exposed. As if you can see my soul through my eyes.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Not when it’s you.”

Achilles hummed and sat up straighter against the tree. “You make me feel…calm. Like I don’t have to try my hardest to impress you, because you already know me.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It feels like the whole world is expecting something of me, and sometimes it gets overwhelming.”

Patroclus nodded. He knew very well what sort of pressure Achilles was under.

“But with you,” Achilles continued, his face softening. “You’d think highly of me even if I’d break down.” He reached out and placed his hand on Patroclus’ knee; rubbing his thumb over the bare skin. “You make me feel a sort of calm I’ve never felt before. Like I can finally breathe.”

Patroclus exhaled slowly, his own hand covering Achilles’. “That’s all I ever want you to feel around me. Relief.”

“Relief,” Achilles said, as if testing out the word. “Tell me how you feeling exposed is good when it’s with me.”

Patroclus did look away this time, albeit briefly. “It’s just that my whole life has been me trying to be a certain way. A way that people expect me to be. My father wanted me to-” He cut himself off and shook his head. “I’ve always been afraid of people seeing through that. I could never truly be myself and my father still despised me.” Achilles turned his hand over to take Patroclus’ one in his grip; squeezing it once. “But with you I feel like it doesn’t matter. I could lay my soul completely bare and you’d still look at me the same.”

“I would,” Achilles assured him with a nod. “Always.”

Patroclus couldn’t help but give him a small smile. “You make me feel vulnerable, but I don’t mind it.”

“I’m glad,” Achilles said, smiling back at him. “I love it when you look at me. You do it in this specific way and it makes me feel special.”

“I only recently realized that you tend to look at me too.”

Patroclus could’ve sworn that a light blush spread over Achilles’ neck. “You’re beautiful. I can’t help it.” He leaned closer to him. “It’s been hard keeping it a secret with you looking my way every other minute, though.”

Patroclus let out a low laugh. “Then don’t keep it a secret.”

“Oh, I’m over secrets. I want you to know that I want to look at you every second of everyday.”

Patroclus opened his mouth to answer, but decided against it when Achilles’ lips collided with his own.


End file.
